August 8, 2013 in Uncategorized
I don’t delve into my personal life much on the blog, but I feel compelled to share this story with you.
Two years ago, almost to the day, my mother passed away from a long hard battle with cancer. It was defining moment in my life for many reasons. As a new mother (Emily was only 19 moths at the time) I felt, and often still feel, very alone in my parenting journey. So many times I’ve wished she was there to turn to for advice, condolence, a hug.
Now, halfway into my fourth year as a parent, I am discovering we are in the midst of a tough phase. A phase where my innocent minded toddler is waking up to the realities of the world, expressing big fears and asking tough questions. Questions I don’t necessarily have the answers to, and sometimes, things I don’t really like thinking about myself. This phase hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember having these same questions and fears as a child, but it never occurred to me that now, as a mother, it would be MY job to answer and console through these tough issues.
On a particularly tough night when some big questions were posed, I was yearning for the advice of my mother, and feeling so very lost and alone. After tucking the girls into bed, I jumped online and tried to unwind, letting my mind wander to simpler things when I got a Facebook message from my sister.
This is what she sent me…
The picture on the left is my mother and I. The picture on the right is Emily and I. We were roughly the same age, our babies roughly the same age. I ‘ve seen both these pictures before, but never noticed the similarities until my sister, so perfectly, compared them side by side. The flood of emotion that swept over me when I pulled up those pictures is not something I can express in words, but it was the exact thing I needed at that moment to feel loved and connected in a moment of desperation. It reminded me that, though my mother may not be here to verbally pass down her wisdom, she is with me always through everything she taught me, every interaction we had. She made me who I am. I am her and she was me. This journey we call motherhood is more of a hike than I ever realized. It is exhausting and exhilarating, challenging and beautiful! But more than anything, is not a road untraveled. Many great women have paved the way before us and it is our job to pave the way for the next. When faced with those seemingly impossible mountains, the wisdom can often be found within ourselves, hidden deep inside, passed down along the way, if we only dig deep enough to see our roots!